How Do I Rebuild Trust After It's Been Broken?

Rebuilding trust isn’t instant...

Reader Submitted Question:“How do I rebuild trust in my relationships when I’ve been hurt before?”

Trust is one of the hardest things to rebuild once it’s been broken. Whether it’s due to betrayal, dishonesty, emotional neglect, or simply a history of repeated disappointments, learning to trust again, both in others and in yourself, can feel like an uphill battle. The fear of being hurt again can make you guarded, hesitant, or even withdrawn from connection. But trust, like any other relational skill, can be rebuilt with time, intentionality, and self awareness.

The first step is recognizing that trust isn’t just about the other person, it’s about you. Often, we focus on whether someone else is worthy of our trust, but the deeper question is: Do I trust myself to handle what comes, even if I get hurt again? Rebuilding trust starts internally. If you’ve been betrayed, your nervous system has likely learned to stay on high alert. Your body remembers the hurt, and it may respond with defensiveness, avoidance, or anxiety, even when the current situation is safe. Learning to trust again means learning to regulate your own nervous system, to remind yourself that you are capable of handling emotions and setting boundaries when needed.

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Another key aspect of rebuilding trust is taking small, intentional steps. Trust doesn’t return all at once, it grows in increments. If someone has broken your trust, it’s okay to let them show consistency over time rather than immediately offering full forgiveness. Pay attention to whether their actions align with their words. Do they take accountability? Do they show up differently? Trust isn’t just about promises, it’s about patterns.

At the same time, it’s important to assess whether you are keeping yourself in situations where trust continues to be broken. Are you ignoring red flags? Are you making excuses for repeated behavior? Rebuilding trust isn’t just about extending it to others, it’s also about honoring your own intuition and recognizing when it’s time to walk away.

Self-trust is just as crucial as relational trust. If you find yourself doubting others, ask yourself: Do I trust myself to leave if I need to? Do I trust myself to advocate for my needs? Building trust within starts with keeping your own promises to yourself. Following through on boundaries, honoring your intuition, and showing up for yourself even when it’s uncomfortable.

Actionable Tip: Instead of focusing solely on whether you can trust others, ask: How can I trust myself more? Start by keeping small promises to yourself. Whether it’s following through on a boundary, listening to your gut, or taking a break when you need to. Rebuilding trust isn’t about eliminating risk, it’s about knowing that whatever happens, you have your own back.

Our May live Q&A session for paid subscribers is happening on Tuesday 5/27 at 6pm PT! This is a chance to ask questions, share your experiences, and gain deeper clarity on what boundaries mean for you. You can also submit any topic or question for me to cover ahead of time.