It’s a question many of us don’t even realize we’re asking—but one thats beneath the surface of so many decisions: If I’m not partnered, do I still matter?
From the moment we’re old enough to understand stories, we’re told a version of the same tale: a woman’s journey culminates in partnership. The reward for being good, beautiful, kind, or resilient? Being chosen.
And while we may scoff at fairytales as adults, the imprint remains. It shows up in the way we chase validation through romantic attention, stay too long in relationships that deplete us, or feel a pang of shame when we’re single for “too long.” It’s not that we consciously believe partnership equals worth, but many of us have absorbed that message so deeply, it feels like truth.
This clip from my conversation on the Full Plate Full Cup podcast dives into this very pattern: how women, in particular, are socialized to believe our value is measured by whether or not we are partnered.
What stood out to you in the clip? Comment below. I love hearing from you and I love creating a dialogue amongst community.
We’re not encouraged to cultivate our wholeness. We’re not taught to prioritize our own becoming. We’re not asked about our dreams unless they fit into a tidy picture of marriage, kids, and a shared mortgage.
And let’s be clear: There’s nothing inherently wrong with partnership. But when we cling to any relationship simply because we’ve been told it’s better than being alone? That’s not love. That’s survival.
One quote from the clip that continues to land with me:
“Do you want your soul to slowly wither for the rest of your life so that you can split a mortgage?”
It’s jarring. And it’s also real. Because sometimes we’re not just afraid of being alone, we’re afraid of what being alone says about us. As if our unpartnered state is a sign of deficiency, rather than an act of discernment.
But what if your worth didn’t hinge on being chosen?
What if partnership wasn’t the prize, but a reflection of your already-whole self choosing someone else from fullness—not fear?
This kind of reframing requires us to examine the stories we’ve inherited and the systems that reinforce them. It also asks us to sit with discomfort: to feel the grief of what we were never told, and the possibility of rewriting the script.
This work isn't anti-relationship. It’s pro-you.
It’s the work of asking:
What am I truly seeking in partnership?
Where have I been settling to avoid loneliness?
And what might wholeness look like on my own terms?
Whether you’re partnered or not, these questions matter. Because the goal isn’t to abandon love, it’s to stop abandoning yourself in the name of it.
Let’s keep dismantling the myths that tell us we’re only worthy if we’re chosen. You were always whole. You were always enough.
And that’s the truth I want to build from.
My new book The Motherhood Myth drops in August. Pre-order now for free access to a live 8-Week Book Club with me, a copy of my guide “The 5 Myths of Modern Motherhood”, and a special code to join my private community The Inner Compass Collective.
Thanks for being here.
Let’s keep Going Deeper, together.
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