Obsessing, Performing, Numbing: What “Healing” Often Gets Wrong

“How do I know if I’m actually healing or if I’m just obsessed with doing the work?”

That question opened a floodgate in our June subscriber Q&A.

This is the shadow side of growth work. The addiction to fixing. The performative healing. The compulsion to always be “processing” because slowing down or doing nothing feels… unsafe.

We talked about how healing can become another strategy to earn love or prove worth, especially for those of us who learned as children that love was conditional.

I shared how, even as a therapist, I’ve noticed that my own inner work can sometimes become performative. Not for others, but for the internalized parts of me that still think “being better” = “being worthy.”

So how do we know the difference?

I offered this: